


The Clown's Dragon

by Wanderlust_Novadust



Category: Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Genre: Angst to Fluff, Fluffy, I have no idea how to write fight scenes and I'm too afraid to ask, I'm rating it mature since there are mentions of possible sexual shit and all that though, M/M, Projection, cecil is projecting, cloud is tired, clown acts tender to his toy, firion is just pissed man, heavy blood loss, kefka doesn't like being caught being nice, romantic, self insert fic boys let's go, shockingly there's no dicks in this, tidus is a ray of sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 06:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20560007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanderlust_Novadust/pseuds/Wanderlust_Novadust
Summary: Kefka sets loose his favorite plaything after the warriors of Cosmos. He has to come back to collect when he overestimated said toy. A fic I wrote while too tired for writing's own good. Cringe culture is dead and I'm dancing on it's grave.





	The Clown's Dragon

“I’ve had enough of this clean shaven pretty boy!”

Ferris had landed by Kefka in a moment. There were few things that really gave Ferris much of a thrill anymore, but that cue? He was always ready. Kefka snapped his fingers a few seconds late, realizing that said pretty boy’s attention had been directed to the Dragoon walking up beside Kefka.

“Oh, Ferry! You’re early. Is somebody all pent up?”

“Would you spare me telling the truth in front of Cosmos’ little soldier?”

“I would know if you lied at least,” Kefka teased, a hint of malice behind it. This was normal. “Calling you out is fifty-fifty!”

“Well, don’t,” Ferris responded in kind.

“I don’t have time for your back and forth,” Cloud interrupted.

“Oh, that might be for the best, yes. Chaos is all ruffled up over the fact it’s a fourth cycle, and he hasn’t won yet! A pity that we’ll have to cut this short.” Kefka put a hand on Ferris’ shoulder, harshly gripping it as he continued. “How about it, Ferry-boy?”

“I don’t get much of a choice.”

“You’re right! Nighty-night, Ferris! Good morning…”

Cloud was about to just up and leave (finding this whole sordid scene tiresome and time wasting) when something changed behind the helmet. There was a glow, an intensity, smoke starting to fume out in small puffs from his barely open mouth. Kefka was already a few feet backwards as he snapped his fingers again: giving the command. 

“… Kiki.”

Before anyone in the room could ask who Kiki was (or why someone names their super-dangerous-weapon-man “Kiki”) there was an eruption of dark energy dyed the purples and pinks of Ferris’ Dragoon armor. Seeing as a fight was happening after all, Cloud’s hand slipped back over the grip of his sword. Waiting out this transformation was half a courtesy, and half curiosity. What was this man Kefka was treating like some kind of favorite toy about to turn into?

As smoke billowed out of the roaring maw that was looking ever less human by the moment, Kefka ascended and floated his way off until he could easily slip away with Chaos magic. Cloud didn’t know why he gave chase; it was pointless. He was left standing where Kefka formerly watched, turning back and looking at the creature parting itself from the smoke as it emerged. 

It was no handsome thing; though there were probably people who would argue otherwise. Traditionally speaking, one might say it vaguely resembled a dragon. It had talons and claws and a tail (which for some people was absolutely enough to say that this “Kiki” was nothing more than a humanoid dragon.) The differences began when you looked closer at it. It wasn’t scaled. Kiki’s skin was more akin to craggy and cracked earth colored mauve. It didn’t have the sort of large and dramatic wings you would expect, but that wasn’t to say Kiki lacked wings entirely. On the contrary, smaller wings only somewhat bigger than the wings on the back of Ferris’ armor were not only attached to his back, but very much part of Kiki’s flesh. 

Between the fact that this semi-armored abomination was stepping out of smoke to growl at Cloud and the pressing matter of how sharp it’s claws and teeth looked: Cloud decided that perhaps now was a good time to whip out that sword and get defending, at the least. Something struck him as the creature dropped to all fours and attempted to rush him, deflected by his Buster Sword. 

A few steps backward and a more deflecting strikes; Cloud had put it together fully. Did Kefka implant this Kiki thing in Ferris, or was this just always there? Was the clown capable of that, or did he just tame whatever monster was inside? Cloud was about to rather automatically deflect again (planning to keep this up until he had a real plan, or someone interrupted) but the beast had grown a bit wiser.

Kiki caught the blade in it’s hand, standing and taking the sword with it. Cloud wasn’t exactly letting go though, which only dragged him along. There were streaks of blood dribbling from Kiki’s palm, but that was hardly a concern of the dragon-esque thing. No, instead, it’s fist became quite cozy in Cloud’s stomach.

Okay. No more planning. A decision was reached in the foggy seconds between the sword clattering against the ground behind Kiki, and the blood hitting the floor from Cloud’s mouth as he held his stomach. That decision was to beat the utter shit out of Kiki until he could get answers.

Like any evil force Cosmos’ army had encountered, Kiki was easily distracted by small feats of victory. While Kiki was chuckling and letting little puffs of smoke escape from his shark tooth grin, Cloud had oriented himself much more. When Kiki stepped away (seemingly going for the sword,) Cloud rolled past him, grabbing it and standing again in a huff of dust and curdled mewl of a startled monster who wasn’t expecting the easy prey to get back up.

It was about to take off, but Cloud was faster. A slashing blow released from Kiki a startled and shaking shriek, a few more blows only making it’s mood spoil with the blood it lost in the end of that combo. 

Kiki returned in kind. “Wateraga!”

The half-understandable spell didn’t easily lend to which way to dodge. He rolled left, but that wasn’t right… Cloud was thrown up by the water rocketing out of the floor, and Kiki had jumped up to follow. It landed a downward slash with it’s claws, Cloud retaliating shockingly fast with his Buster Sword. Kiki was the one knocked uncomfortably to the ground; Cloud landed a few feet away on his feet.

Cloud couldn’t help hoping it was over, holding his bleeding forearm while Kiki rose shakily. It took a few staggering steps Cloud’s direction, more dark purple exhaust flowing with it’s ragged sighs and shudders. This wasn’t over quite yet. It attempted to rush back up to him, repeating what it did at the start, and it caught Cloud’s sword in it’s already injured hand again. Before Cloud had the mind to consider banter, Cloud had purposefully slid the sword across the wound. He earned a yelp from Kiki, who retreated backward. 

“It couldn’t have been that easy,” Cloud commented, able to recall far more fearsome fights from far less intimidating folks.

“Why are you holding back,” Cloud asked the bleeding creature. As he looked longer though, he saw the damage his Buster Sword left. Some wounds were oozing, but some wounds were pouring. He couldn’t help looking around, finding that the clown wasn’t coming back to collect his broken doll for the shelf. There was a tiny part of Cloud that wanted to help it… But it was sided with Chaos. So it had to die, right?

Cloud took a few steps, but then stopped with a start as Kiki began vomiting. 

“That was unexpected,” Cloud mumbled as it continued to hack and pour black sludge all over itself and the floor. It wasn’t long before Kiki fell over, laying in it’s own pool of bodily fluids. There had to be blood mixed with the acids, if the smell was anything to go off of. Cloud stepped a few paces closer, inspecting the creature as the skin began to give way. 

What was purple and cracked was slowly turning back to it’s natural tones. Rapidly, it changed from a dragon-like creature bent on Cloud’s destruction to an armored Dragoon laying in a pool of beast’s bile and blood. 

“Kefka,” Ferris croaked. “Where are you?”

Cloud took a deep breath. He hadn’t personally experienced this, but he’d watched the familial feud that refused to end between Cecil and Golbez. No matter how much Cecil reached out, no matter how lovingly Cecil called Golbez’s name, and no matter how welcoming Cecil was, it never changed. Golbez always turned his back on Cecil. Even when Cecil won: Golbez refused to give brotherly love or compassion a chance.

Who’s to say anything different was happening here? Perhaps it was not Cloud’s place, but if Cloud knew his team, they’d appear soon. If Cloud tried to end this man while he still had the chance, at the very least, Tidus or Cecil would stop him.

“Kefka isn’t coming back,” Cloud said with a sigh, still waiting on the surprise visit from his friends. “There’s no use calling for him.”

Ferris tried in vain to support himself, first on his elbows and then on his hands. He had to quickly retract his right hand, however, which just led to him unsteadily crashing into the puddle of disgusting discharge. If there wasn’t blood in it already, the blood managing to stain his robes and leak out from where armor covered wounds was certainly mixing into the pool.

“You’re injured.”

“Thanks, captain obvious!”

Cloud squinted a bit. Ferris shared Kefka’s humor, but he was going to be nice… Probably. Against all better judgment Cloud could’ve had, he reached out and tried to maneuver Ferris around some. 

“Don’t touch me,” Ferris barked back. From how weakly he struggled though, he had no bite to back it up.

Soon enough, Cloud had managed to grab him by the collar and hoist him over his shoulder. He could feel some of that acidic bile burn slightly against his skin, but it was nothing alarming. Ferris weakly tried to wriggle free, so Cloud just held him in place like he was carrying a barrel or box over his shoulder. 

“You’re injured,” Cloud repeated impatiently. “I know people who can help.”

“Put me fucking down,” Ferris spat.

“Fine,” Cloud said as he dropped him. From the loud cough and grunt Ferris made though, Cloud knew he was not making the situation any better. In Cloud’s defense: Ferris asked him to drop him, however it was worded.

“You done giving orders yet?”

“Kefka is coming back,” Ferris growled in desperation. “I know he is!”

Cloud was so ready to leave him, but then the bleeding heart himself walked in. The sound of heavy boots signaled the arrival of Cecil, and Cloud’s attention was drawn back as he spoke.

“What’s going on? Cloud, who is that?”

“Calls himself Ferris. Caused a lot of trouble.”

“Is he working for Chaos,” Cecil questioned in a partially serious (though mostly concerned) tone.

“Maybe not directly. He takes orders from—“

“Kefka!”

Cloud looked down at Ferris, who called the way someone abandoned in the rain might for the person who left. Cecil couldn’t help the twist in his chest as he looked at the heavy amounts of blood, seeing Ferris try to get himself standing. He fell back to his knees after swaying a few steps on his feet—and Cecil could feel his heart breaking.

“Hush now, Dragoon,” Cecil said in as caring a tone as Cloud heard him use on Golbez… In moments, Cecil was bringing Ferris into his arms in some sort of tangled hug. Ferris struggled, but found there was no use rather quickly. Limply, Ferris allowed Cecil to spew whatever he thought would help in hopes that meant Cecil and Cloud leaving sooner.

“Hush… He’s not going to return for you. He seems to have left you behind.”

Ferris did not expect Cloud to come over and take him from Cecil—back up on his shoulder and held firmly in place all over again. Black was overtaking his vision, and Ferris would call himself lucky to wake up again anywhere but Kefka’s bedroom. You’d think it’d be romantic, but he only ever laid Ferris in bed while he was wounded if it meant a tantrum about the heroes getting away.

“That would be fine,” Ferris thought to himself as his eyes shut. “He’d get it out of his system, and then he’d come to clean my wounds again. He’d wrap me more carefully than anyone else, and that’s alright. I don’t need him to be truly tender… I just need him to come get me before I die.”

“Cloud, we need to get him to the others!”

“Right.”

Ferris did not wake up to the sometimes pleasant (sometimes not) tantrum of his clown boyfriend. Actually, he woke up to a blanket and a campfire. He was in pain, but it was dull. The thing that hurt the most wasn’t the wounds gracing his arms and torso. Rather: the only thing that really hurt in the moment was the burn in his throat from the demonic bile Kiki forced out on it’s way back inside.

“This isn’t… Kefka’s palace…”

He counted four people total. He recognized Cecil as the white haired man who hugged him and tried to tenderly tell him everything was alright. Cloud was familiar, but a new blonde seemed to be joining them who he didn’t recognize. His shirt was open and he was dressed for a climate that was very much not the mild cold of the battlefield between Cosmos and Chaos. The last person he counted was a gray haired man with armor made of whites and blues… Ferris at least got a name for the second blonde as Cecil noticed him stirring.

“Tidus, he’s waking!”

“Wha—who? Oh. Oh! That he,” Tidus said as he looked over. “The guy you and Cloud brought back.”

Oh brother.

“How does he seem?”

“Shouldn’t we just ask him,” Tidus shot back. Cecil sunk a little in his spot beside the fire while Tidus shuffled a bit closer to Ferris. “You good there?”

“I’m not bleeding,” Ferris said in the growled tone of a question.

“Sounds better to me!”

Tidus seemed like an absolute spot of sunshine; he was a stark contrast to the sleeping form of the man who beat the ever loving hell out of Ferris some hours ago. Ferris wouldn’t call Cloud a downer, but he was certainly far less expressive. Tidus offered him some half smile before taking Ferris’ scowl as a sign he wasn’t into it.

“What? Still hurt somewhere?”

“We aren’t exactly healers. We tried our best,” Firion piped from next to Cecil.

“We only hoped to ask you some questions! You may leave if you wish after,” Cecil continued.

“No,” was the immediate response.

“Oh, c’mon. Your clown isn’t coming back so…”

“He is not just a clown,” Ferris barked. He tried to hoist himself up, but he found that Firion’s words rang true: they were no healers. They hadn’t used magic as much as they just patched him up the old fashioned way. Something about it was significantly less annoying when he had a nice bed to recover in, and a clown who was at least caring long enough to wash him and tell a few jokes.

Cecil wanted to sweetly argue, and Firion was about to do similar (in far less sensitive ways,) but they were both beat to it by Tidus. Tidus had a different approach to the affair.

“He’s not? What is he then?”

All eyes were on Ferris, but Ferris found words clogged and choked in his throat. It wasn’t just the burning left behind by the puking session—there was a set of other feelings keeping his tongue tied. After a moment of hesitation, Cecil got concerned.

“Is your throat injured from the bile…? Tidus, take off the helmet—what if he’s ill from being exposed to it so much?”

Oh no, oh god. Ferris couldn’t react fast enough in such a state to avoid it, Tidus reaching out and grabbing the helmet.

“No—you don’t have to do that!”

“Aw, c’mon, you can’t drink water with this thing on anyway! Water’s good for blood loss.” Tidus paused before continuing in a whispered, “I think.” Once he finally managed to yank that helmet off, Ferris was left a red face from behind tangled vines of rose gray hair.

“A fever?”

Cecil noticed Firion look away half disgusted—was Tidus chuckling? What did he say? The mere implication any of them caught on to what Ferris was hiding left him wide eyed and terrified, face stuck a deeper shade of red as the rest of him grew pale.

“What? Was it something I said,” Cecil asked in a panic. He was answered by Tidus laughing, which only served to make Ferris more sure he’d get killed (as well as wake Cloud up.)

“What’s going on,” Cloud asked in a sleepy haze.

“We didn’t snag one of Kefka’s servants,” Tidus bellowed out between laughs. “This guy’s his lover!”

Cecil hadn’t even considered the idea. Firion was ready to spit on Ferris. Ferris didn’t see himself getting out of this alive. Cloud sat up, looking over to the injured Dragoon.

“Calm down,” Cloud said in his typical deadpan.

“Huh?”

“He looks ready to bolt. Like a scared dog.”

Tidus looked over, Firion following suit moments later. Indeed, Ferris looked like he’d make a run for it the first moment that presented itself. He had to swallow more of that cursed bile, feel around and hope he could summon his spear. It was as it appeared in his hand that Cecil got up. Tidus and Firion rose after him in just as much of a rush. Cloud stood up leisurely as usual.

“Listen, listen! We won’t imply anything about you and Kefka Palazzo from here on out,” Cecil began. “We would just like to ask you a few questions, and you may leave! You need not even answer.”

“I’d think about it. You’re too beat up to beat all four of us,” Tidus added. “It’d be easier to just hear us out.”

The spear vanished in a flash of light purple orbs of energy. Ferris stopped supporting himself half upright, dropping harshly back to his laying position. It was painful, but there was no way he could just easily get himself back down. Cecil found himself sitting by Tidus, who was already up close and personal with Ferris anyway. Firion followed, and Cloud slowly hauled himself over.

“Our first question is what the hell Kiki is,” Cloud began.

“You were telling us about that,” Tidus chimed. “Some dragon creature! Is that a normal thing for Dragoons,” he asked as he turned to Cecil, the only one there to know a Dragoon personally.

“No… Dragoon do not normally just turn into dragons, or anything even vaguely related. Dragoon do not… transform.”

“Right. So what is Kiki,” Cloud asked again, bringing it all back to the relevant questions.

“Kiki isn’t me, that’s for sure.”

“Not helpful,” Tidus said first, before looking to Cloud.

“Not helpful at all.”

There was silence before Ferris took a deep breath. “He is my holy curse. My blight of sight. Whatever else you all want to call him.”

“I see,” was all that came from any of them (namely, the sympathetic Cecil who wanted to fix the Dragoon on the ground before him.) There was some more lingering quiet before Tidus spoke up.

“I don’t get it.”

Cecil was about to explain when the fire was blown out. There was no wind, which was the first alarming factor. Cecil and Firion were on their feet in moments, Tidus only looking over his shoulder as Cloud eased himself onto his feet. While all their attention went to the former fire, laughter was dancing around from all directions.

“Kefka,” Firion said as he drew his weapon, all the others doing the same. 

“Ohohoho! Put those down, put those down!”

“No?”

Kefka appeared with a glow around him to illuminate the way, not far from the party, but with enough distance that he could anticipate any attacks coming. 

“No? Well, I suppose that’s an option, but I don’t like it! Put your swords and your um… Balls away!”

“Kefka,” Ferris called out in pure joy (against his better judgment.)

“Oh my, oh wow… It appears my favorite doll’s all beat up!” At first, the party expected Kefka to rant about how useless he was. That’s what was going to happen, right? Ferris scrambled up, grunting and stumbling but fighting against the pain and wounds just to arrive at his master’s side. He restrained himself from holding onto Kefka or doing too much. Kefka didn’t like having his image tainted, and Ferris respected those wishes.

“Who did it, huh!? It couldn’t have been that scrawny pretty boy with the biggest sword! No, no, Ferry is too good for that! A four on one ambush maybe?”

Before anybody could answer, he was talking again.

“Doesn’t matter! You’ll all get your comeuppance, but I’ve got bigger fish to fry!”

In a flash and a laugh, the two were gone. They were left to lower their weapons, puzzle over the situation, and start a new fire. They were left mostly confused, though Tidus caught on better than the rest. He found himself a little giddy at the idea that Kefka could care about anything. Maybe the fucker had a heart after all. Things with hearts can be reasoned with. (Hopefully.)

Ferris was expecting to be told off. The happy reunion had to be over, right? They manifested in Kefka’s palace, or at least, they were in the most stable and non-battle oriented part of it. It was the bed room, shockingly. Kefka practically tossed Ferris into the bed, but it was so plush that it hardly hurt. He bounced on it a few times before he was left with his legs hanging half off. 

“No shoes or boots on my bed,” Kefka chimed before practically ripping them off and taking his socks with them. “Or other armor, for that matter…”

“Why is that,” Ferris asked before shuffling off his armor piece by piece.

“It stains the bedding!”

Kefka crossed his arms, watching Ferris discard all the armor off to the side of the bed. He was left in torn robes and bandages. There was a moment as Kefka crawled onto the bed and over Ferris that he faltered. This wasn’t the affair you’d expect from a man crawling over one half dressed. Kefka’s hand lingered over the bandaged chest before he huffed.

“What is it?”

“They did a poor job.”

“You can’t even see the wound,” Ferris replied quietly.

“I don’t have to. They don’t know what they’re doing. Sit up!”

Ferris sat up to the best of his ability, and he was stripped off all his bandages only for Kefka to wince. He was grabbing bandages and summoning all sorts of potions in moments. Kefka was never a man of healing magic, but he was a man who could treat his own wounds. The knowledge applied easily to other people.

“You’d get infected if I left you like that… Honestly, I’m shocked they haven’t have to chop off limbs yet! Then again, doesn’t it look like that Cloud fellow has a robotic hand? Suspicious, I say!”

The chuckle that followed wrenched a smile onto Ferris’ face, despite the sting of cleaning potions and the occasional flick of pain from when Kefka’s nails would accidentally stab into the wounds. (Sometimes, they didn’t seem to be accidentally stabbing him.) Once he was done up all over again, Kefka put a patch-bandage on Ferris’ cheek.

“Huh…? I didn’t cut my cheek.”

“You know what they say! A way to calm people down is no matter how bad the injury, give them band-aid… Placebo or something. Don’t need you crying all over my pillows because it all hurts or something or other!”

Ferris nodded, easing back onto the bed as Kefka walked to the door.

“Now you just stay put! I’m not having you get killed out there just because you think you can still move around!” 

“Of course, Kefka.”

“This was nice,” Ferris thought to himself as he drifted off. “This was what I wanted. Even if this only lasts as long as I’m fun, life’s a ride. I just ride mine on the back of a wild bull, waiting to be kicked off.”

With that, Ferris fell asleep. Kefka had waited to leave, wandering over with his feet not touching the ground for fear of any small sound waking the Dragoon on his bed. He tossed the blankets over him carefully before actually leaving. The door shut carefully behind him before he turned and saw that Kuja and Sephiroth had been waiting.

“Is someone busy playing dolls? We can come back later,” Kuja said with a knowing smirk. Sephiroth rolled his eyes before gesturing for Kefka to come along.

“We’re departing. We found Terra.”

Kefka’s malice turned to joy in moments. “Oh! Lovely!” And like that, they were gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for a lack of any smut or serious drama here! I've finally finished up with my current commissions from my Tumblr so I'm going to hopefully be posting here again soon! A Horrific Choice will hopefully get an update soon, lol. Thank you everyone who read this with an open mind to things like self shipping or my little canon divergent universe! If you want to ask about my fics, my OCs, or even Ferris--you can hit me up on DeviantArt or Tumblr!
> 
> DA: https://www.deviantart.com/wanderlust-novadust  
Tumblr: https://wanderlust-novadust.tumblr.com/


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